WTH

monday is almost over and I am so exhausted. I had an exam today and a presentation and well, let's just say it is over and I am happy about that. Neither did go as it should but it is over, woop.
At the same time, my new semester started and it just feels too much already. I only have three courses but they are compressed into two months, so it is a lot going on here... And in every course we have lessons and exercises and exams and presentations and projects and handinds too. so, just a lot.

But let's forget about this for a minuite. It is waffel day in sweden today and I might bake some for dinner tonigt, or rather something "normal"? but I am leaving on thursday morning to visit my best friend and I have almost nothing in my fridge, as usual... we will see. I'm out.

:(

I'm trying to sleep but I'm just moving around in my bed. Can't find the right position to fall asleep in even thou my eyes hurt from crying and a lack of sleep. I don't like those moments and situation when most of what is going to happen is unknown. I love having plans and almost a plan about the next half year. About what will happen and when and of course everything planned and approved. But right now I have no clue where I will be from June to October and it is killing me. I hate waiting and not being able to make actions :( And I freaking miss my boyfriend and need him right now...

crah test dummy needed?

So. I should study but instead I am lying in bed with a headache und everything is crashing it seems like. I still dont have a clue where I am going to do my internship from June and it is killing me. I need to buy a flight ticket if I do it in Australia but I don't have the money right now. Nor a place. And this exam tomorrow. Never been so blank for an exam ever. This is going to fail. But, I might not care. I don't know. I just want it to be next week. All the stress would be over by then. and we still don't know what is happening about the Lacrosse Game on sunday. Wooph. over and out.

Addiction

Shit

this was what I saw this morning when I woke up at 6:40 and I could not really believe my eyes... and since then it hasnt stopped snowing!!! It is insane! and it is not even good snow but a really moist one. so if you walk and the snow is falling on you, it is already melting and going into the fabric. no good. Anyway. it is supposed to be spring!!! not winter! and we will have -8 on saturday! totaly insane!

I'm supposed to study. Exam on thursday but I can just not motivate myself. Am skipping lacrosse practise as a punsih... but still it is not really helping...

watch this!

dying a cuteness death...

cake x2

 

So this is the result of what I baked last night. I started with a nice and easy berry cake until I realised that my flatmates twin sister would come the next day and she is a vegan and I had already added the eggs so I decided to bake a second one, had bananas over anyway which I wanted to turn into a bananacake/bread anyway the next days. And I always got so frustrated with my old flatmates who baked something and then always had the excuse I could not eat because it had milk products. oh how hard is it to buy margarine instead of butter? most of the time you don't taste the difference anyway, so that was another reason why I decided to bake a second one. to not be like them!

VEGAN Banana-Almond paste-Cake

ingredienses:

100ml vegetable oil

100g sugar

2 bananas or more

100 g almond paste

2 bags of bakingpowder ot 4 teaspoons

300g flour

1 teaspoon cinamon, vanillasugar, cardamon (whatever you feel like)

a bit of salt

mix the sugar (I used brown but white would be fine too), salt, cinnamon, vanillasugar and oil until the sugar dissolved. add almond paste and bananas and mix it until it is almost a liquid. mix flour and bakingpowder and add it to the other mixture. add ricemilk/oil to get a more liquid dough. now you could even add peanuts or dates or stuff like that. then fill the dough in a tin and bake in the oven 175 degrees around 50 min, make sure the cake does not burn, use tinfoil on top after around 35 min

enjoy!

To be.

I've been reading a post about what is the best about being in a relationship. and gosh. I so agree and it made me so sad. Anna is writing about the days when she and her husband are doing different things in their home but still she can feel his presence and she prefers nights on the sofa together then travelling. she says that it is important that you give each other space, there is no need to always do everything together. but man. I would love to be able to always do everything together. but with 16 000 km that's not really something which is possible. her post made me realise once again, how much I miss my boyfriend around me. I am a home person. I like being at home, fixing/creating/baking/reading/do whatever something at home. but alone? that'S no fun. It is no fun baking a cake when there is noone who really appreciates the cake. It is no fun coming home when there is noone replying to your "hello". It is no fun falling asleep when there is noone for either a good night nor a good morning kiss. No fun. My life is no fun right now. I hate my work at the cafe, I hate that exams are coming up and I should study, I hate that there is still snow and ice outside and we can't play lacrosse outside, I hate being alone, I hate that I don't have power/energy to go out with friends tonight,... I could just go on and on and on. There is only one thing I love right now. One person who is just too far away. And, different time zones suck big times!

Hello goodbye

I just had two days of mostly doing nothing and almost being in bed the whole time. Much needed after a really busy period in my life.
I had the most amazing trip to Australia and came back one week before my exam period started which I did quite well. Then a flight to Munich and a needed reunion with my boyfriend there, my sisters wedding and a few city trips in Germany and a last week in Berlin together until R left again for down under... And so now I am back alone in Berlin, exams are coming up again but I started to enjoy spring and got a new hobby, lacrosse. I still need to find motivation to study and do some work but it will come. The whole internship story is going on my nerves and long distance anyway but there is nothing to change about it, cause love just hurts especially when you are apart. Oh I can't wait and I am already counting until I finally got my degree next year in July!
So much about what is going on and now just a few pictures

Spring? Winter!

Well winter is again back in Berlin. Last week Thursday I was already wearing my spring jacket and now we have so much snow again and it is really cold again. I'm somehow happy I did not listen to my coworker who tried to convince me to clean my windows when the sun came back last week! Windows would have been all dirty again by now...!